What's with AUGUST?

I really cannot say what's with AUGUST.

Birth - My birthday - 17th

Union - Marriage - 28th

Separation - Left my family - 9th


All these on the same month, what a coincidence!My spirit's low - I'm trying to live a life of a single woman by choice and chance.Not forgetting I am still a mother but no longer a wife. Everyday is a challenge - a surprise.

Who knows what's with AUGUST*

I'm back

It has been quite a while since I had my last blog in here. Maybe I was too busy keeping myself busy.

Whatever has happened in my life for the years that had passed, I have no regrets. I am still trying to cope up with being alone. This battle is never ending,, for the greatest enemy one could have is himself.

There would be times when someone would come our way and we would always hope, he or she must be "the one." How do we know then that the person is "the one?" I can't tell, I don't know how.....

a mother, a friend, a woman

It has been almost 4 months that I am living alone.
Too many changes, so soon, so complicated. Trying to make everything look okay.

As a mother, my heart is crushed into pieces I hope I still could fix it in time, in God's time.

Dying a thousand times is nothing compared to how hurt I am.It seems like I'm on an endless journey.

It's like sleeping and wishing not to wake up, or wishing to wake up and hoping that my life is back to where I still could define happiness.

I could not look at children's faces, I don't want to walk at the same path most mothers are taking. Not just now, not now that I don't have them with me.

I have saved some wonderful memories that I try to play repeatedly on my mind whenever I feel so numb.

I am waiting all my life to embrace my kids with warmth and love that I want them to remember me that way.

I miss watching movies with them, sharing snacks, looking forward to all the animated movies that have yet to be shown.

I miss staring at my boys when they are asleep, when they are just playing and not minding their surroundings.

I hope this situation I am in right now does not tear me apart, a woman.
I just want to get what is mine and live a normal life.

As I always say, why do I have to beg for something that is already mine?

broken

Too weak nor too strong to face the unknown?
I can't really tell.........

Should I just turn around and say goodbye?
What do I have to keep and give up?

To remember how it is like to be alone?
To be without support;
To bring courage and hope in the eyes of a confused and hopeless child,
while healing a wounded heart;

It is almost like bringing a dead person back to life
Almost like hell
Too soon it has arrived
I just can't hide

questions questions questions

I have long waited for answer why such stupid and hurtings things happen to me.

I just want to be treated equally,I hate the truth that I am a failure.I do not have a family but just my kids. The marriage is a mess, still thankful I am not.

Evryone deserves to be happy, why can't I just be?

I have long been a slave of the words "sacrifice and patience."
Why do people think of me as a nobody? I am thanful I have few precious friends who keep on picking me up when I can no longer walk, and find my way out.

Why can't just people act the way they should?????????!!!!!

thoughts of you

funny how i think of you
for i dont know if you think of me too

how do i say i miss you so
when i never had a chance to at least try to find you

when will i ever end imagining i'm with you
though it is crazy that is what i do

how do i tell myself that it aint worth it
for i feel okay whenever i have thoughts of you

when will i find the answer to my questions
will it be in my dreams that i hope will come true?

what now?

for all i know- am i still human?
do i still feel that?

will i ever end up being so worried
that maybe tomorrow i will still be walking alone
on my own with no one to stay beside me...

could i ever try to set myself free.....
freedom from being a slave.....
freedom from living a lie......
freedom from being miserable....
freedom from hoping against hope...

I want to be free....let God and let go......
and let me be me....