alienated

Today, I had a difficult time in my work.

I thank God for making me experience how it was to be humiliated
and scolded by someone who is of a different species. (whew!)

There is something in me that tells me how I should
adjust to things and situations and most specially to my
co-workers.

I’m so blessed to have my friends around me, and also to have some
people treat me irrationally.

I was born a fighter, I may lose with every step I take. But surely I
will not let anyone bring me down. (nah!)

I hope I could just not pay attention at times, even if I am
being attacked, I’ll learn the job, will start now.

I’m not perfect, I’m just me.

sound of silence

Geez! Never thought how loud the sound of silence is until today that I have been struggling to get out of the situation.

Got back from a long weekend, and as usual, never had a chance to take some rest and relax (poor me).
My mind is in limbo, my heart is in the lost and found (still lost and haven't been found yet), my life is under construction, oh well whatelse can I say?

Last night I went out alone to the video shop and rented some video cds. I watch movies as a therapy.I would always love to be in someonelse's shoes at least for a time.I have always wished that happiness is just within my reach. I wonder where my friends are at this time? I hope I would be with them when I close my eyes. "Comfort
Zone"

I feel so deeply hurt but I can't express myself well. A cup of coffee, a candy or even a lollipop to help me get up and change things. Freedom!!!!!!!

cold and blue, what do I do?

I can't breathe, I can't speak, I can't describe what's happening to me now.
Whatever it is, i don't like it.

I wonder how it feels to be sharing laughter with someone? Where have all the happy memories gone by?
It is so not me, I feel like my face is so stiff, my heart stopped beating,I stopped breathing, am I dead?
Alive but dead, what is that thing called?

Maybe I'm mad, sad and broken. I can't even shed a tear. To be dead is even better than this stage where I am in
now. How could I get myself out of this situation. I need to pour out everything within me, the soonest possible time.I would not want to puff like a balloon.

I have to be with an angel though it doesn't have wings, gotta be with someone. I will be deteriorating soon
and I would not want that to happen to me.

Cold and blue, what do I do?

a journey away from home

Last May 25-28, had a journey away from home, for the very first time in my life.
I know that everything would turn out right though I will be at the province for a special project.

What was it like to be living alone for a few days?

Work and hotel, just that it was okay for me. I realized that somehow I could adjust to that kind if life. It was a practice, and I can't say I enjoyed it but It helped me a lot.(independence)

I was just right, things happen the way I hoped them to be. I was a total stranger when I get back from the special project. It's seems like I have been away for years.
If I would be given a chance to re-do my life, I would prefer being alone-independent and happy ,but of course my kids are blessings to me. I would still want them to be my kids.

There is a certain emptiness within me, I just cannot describe it.