a mother, a friend, a woman

It has been almost 4 months that I am living alone.
Too many changes, so soon, so complicated. Trying to make everything look okay.

As a mother, my heart is crushed into pieces I hope I still could fix it in time, in God's time.

Dying a thousand times is nothing compared to how hurt I am.It seems like I'm on an endless journey.

It's like sleeping and wishing not to wake up, or wishing to wake up and hoping that my life is back to where I still could define happiness.

I could not look at children's faces, I don't want to walk at the same path most mothers are taking. Not just now, not now that I don't have them with me.

I have saved some wonderful memories that I try to play repeatedly on my mind whenever I feel so numb.

I am waiting all my life to embrace my kids with warmth and love that I want them to remember me that way.

I miss watching movies with them, sharing snacks, looking forward to all the animated movies that have yet to be shown.

I miss staring at my boys when they are asleep, when they are just playing and not minding their surroundings.

I hope this situation I am in right now does not tear me apart, a woman.
I just want to get what is mine and live a normal life.

As I always say, why do I have to beg for something that is already mine?

broken

Too weak nor too strong to face the unknown?
I can't really tell.........

Should I just turn around and say goodbye?
What do I have to keep and give up?

To remember how it is like to be alone?
To be without support;
To bring courage and hope in the eyes of a confused and hopeless child,
while healing a wounded heart;

It is almost like bringing a dead person back to life
Almost like hell
Too soon it has arrived
I just can't hide

questions questions questions

I have long waited for answer why such stupid and hurtings things happen to me.

I just want to be treated equally,I hate the truth that I am a failure.I do not have a family but just my kids. The marriage is a mess, still thankful I am not.

Evryone deserves to be happy, why can't I just be?

I have long been a slave of the words "sacrifice and patience."
Why do people think of me as a nobody? I am thanful I have few precious friends who keep on picking me up when I can no longer walk, and find my way out.

Why can't just people act the way they should?????????!!!!!

thoughts of you

funny how i think of you
for i dont know if you think of me too

how do i say i miss you so
when i never had a chance to at least try to find you

when will i ever end imagining i'm with you
though it is crazy that is what i do

how do i tell myself that it aint worth it
for i feel okay whenever i have thoughts of you

when will i find the answer to my questions
will it be in my dreams that i hope will come true?

what now?

for all i know- am i still human?
do i still feel that?

will i ever end up being so worried
that maybe tomorrow i will still be walking alone
on my own with no one to stay beside me...

could i ever try to set myself free.....
freedom from being a slave.....
freedom from living a lie......
freedom from being miserable....
freedom from hoping against hope...

I want to be free....let God and let go......
and let me be me....

stop and smell the roses

Wow!

I'd love to say that,I would love to stop and smell the roses.
It has been years of hardwork and still counting.....

Oh my, wish could turn back the hands of time------90s my era.
A lot of nice memories to go back to...hmmm...nostalgia.

I am only as good as my last call-do I mean that?

Just want to stop and smell the roses....

"when love is gone"

It has been quite sometime since I have
updated my blog.

And now I have to write about a love, gone....
not sure if forever.

I still can feel the numbness of my heart, my mind
could not help me remember how it was then.

For all I care, I am again becoming this
"no nonesense lady."

How I wish someone would come now and save me from this misery....

I have long wished for a real friend....but no one came to carry me....

Maybe it is not yet time,
Who knows when?

Maybe tomorrow.....

dust......

February 1, 2006
11:01 pm
My Domain
from "dust" til dawn (from dusk til dawn)


Today is the 3rd day that I could hardly breathe because of the “dust” form the
office repairs.

It was a wrong choice, not minding the danger that area is now causing me.
I don’t remember ever feeling this way (sigh). I took in an antihistamine this afternoon hoping I’d be better but naaah. It is as if there is a heavy object resting on my chest that makes me feel like I have few more hours left to breathe and to live. PLEASE not yet….. not now.



Struggle for one’s life, aaaaaaargg!

love the game, love my team :)

whenever we are sleepy and reaching our silent mode status,
there is always a nice game for us.

good thing these guys never get tired of finding means
of waking us up (night shift) it pays to be witty.

and i am so happy being with my team, such an intelligent groupmates
i have here, WOW!

it is far more different when we think beyond what we normally
see.

horray!!!!!

"chocolate party"

Our class just had a "chocolate party" it was fun.

JK's idea of giving a sort of group review about all that
we have just taken up since last week.Everybody had a
chance to shine :)WOW!

It is absolutely outrageous and one of a kind. What a
different way to motivate us all.Not to mention that
this is the first time he has had training in
Manila.

Thanks JK, we all learned a lot from you.

We will be missing you and the special, yummy-yum-yum
chocolate party!

zappppp!

there are times when i just want to just ZAPPPPPP!

well not all all the time is a good time though nor a bad a time.
i hate it when people cannot decide at once evene for simple things in life.
so what about the most difficult situations in life?

maybe if i were to be given a power, i'd rather choose how to make things or persons
disappear.

with a snap or with a simple wink of an eye....

ZAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

"i am what i am"

iam what i am
i am my own special creation......

i love this song....to the max

it greatly speaks of one's being proud
of who he or she really is.

"absolutely fantabulous"

I have met a group of "absolutely fantabulous people."

Not just fantastic nor just fabulous but both.
Just cant be neither of the two that I have just mentioned.

It pays to be rich in terms of friends, for all you know
they are the ones whom you can run to in the end.

My deepest gratitude to these "fantabulous" people
who have made a difference in my life.

"to each his own"

i'm really tired after weeks of training and not making it to the
next stage at the call center.

had fun spending time with my new found friends there.kept the real ones.
hard work, blood sweat and all that, whew!

would be missing my group, a lot.we never argue at all, like we are
always in sync.RESPECT,eh.

thankful for having experienced what it is like to be a "night owl."

traffic jam

Who says traffic jam only happens on the streets?

Naaah! i have experienced a lot in my mind, specially
when there are new things to grasp. :)

Traffic jam also happens inside someone's heart, whenever
someone can't choose from several persons to love or to "hate."
Whatever the case maybe.....

Oooops, traffic jam happens inside someone's pocket, whenever
the bills are converted to coins and you just need a certain amount.

Those are just few that I can name of now,maybe there are still
a lot that i have not experienced yet.

Traffic jam? Where?