a mother, a friend, a woman

It has been almost 4 months that I am living alone.
Too many changes, so soon, so complicated. Trying to make everything look okay.

As a mother, my heart is crushed into pieces I hope I still could fix it in time, in God's time.

Dying a thousand times is nothing compared to how hurt I am.It seems like I'm on an endless journey.

It's like sleeping and wishing not to wake up, or wishing to wake up and hoping that my life is back to where I still could define happiness.

I could not look at children's faces, I don't want to walk at the same path most mothers are taking. Not just now, not now that I don't have them with me.

I have saved some wonderful memories that I try to play repeatedly on my mind whenever I feel so numb.

I am waiting all my life to embrace my kids with warmth and love that I want them to remember me that way.

I miss watching movies with them, sharing snacks, looking forward to all the animated movies that have yet to be shown.

I miss staring at my boys when they are asleep, when they are just playing and not minding their surroundings.

I hope this situation I am in right now does not tear me apart, a woman.
I just want to get what is mine and live a normal life.

As I always say, why do I have to beg for something that is already mine?